How People Pleasers Can Learn To Say NO Without Feeling Guilty

Learning to say NO to others, can be a hard lesson, but it is certainly worth it. It gets harder especially because as children we are taught that it is bad to be selfish, and as human beings we are supposed to help others.

We might have even been punished for being selfish. By being selfish, you put yourself first, you make yourself a priority, and pay more attention to your needs and desires. In this way, you are telling yourself that you too are important. When you finally realize the importance of your personal life, you will have more energy to take care of other people’s needs.

Stop for a minute and ask yourself a few questions:

  • If I do this thing, will it have negative impact on my personal life?
  • How can I force my family (my partner and my children) to help out more around the house, so that I can have some free time for myself, like they have?
  • What if I ask to work in a team with my colleagues, so that we can finish our priorities on time, and reduce our workload?
  • What about avoiding the upcoming party at my friend’s house? I really don’t have energy to handle it!

Related Article: How To Stop Absorbing Other People’s Negative Energy

5 Most Effective Ways to Say NO

Forget about being a people pleaser and learn how to confidently say no to people without feeling guilty about it. The most precious, and limited thing we possess in life is time, so we need to spend it wisely, we need to use it as if there is no tomorrow. Learning to say no will help us plan our time and act in the right way. Saying that simple word may feel aggressive, or rude, like we’re rejecting the people, but it isn’t that way at all. It may be difficult in the beginning, but we need to train ourselves, so that it can become a part of our lifestyle. To do that, we need to follow the most effective ways to say NO, given in the text below:

1. Be Selfish – Put Your Needs First

Your needs are the most important for you, so put them first. If you prioritize the other person’s needs over yours, you will lose yourself, and won’t be productive any more. Once you’ve heard the request, think deeper, think about your mission, find out if your needs are connected with that other person’s needs, and finally respond intelligently. Having a vision will help you understand how requests are aligned with your goals. You don’t want to miss a thing which might be crucial for your future.

2. Stand Firm

If someone doesn’t take NO as an answer, show them that YES is not acceptable in that particular situation. Don’t try to explain, don’t give any further reason for rejecting them, just give them straight and firm answer. If someone is clever enough, they will realize the importance of your decision, and won’t make an additional effort to change your mind – it will be just wasting their time, and yours, as well. The less said, the better.

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3. Turn the Request Around

Put the question back on the person asking in order to find out more information, and to take advantage of the situation. This can be highly effective especially in a work situation. For example, a manager is asking you to finish a few demanding tasks as fast as you can, which is more than you can handle. If you are ambitious person you would probably accept those tasks, no matter how exhausting they might be. But, the best way is to negotiate in following way: I’m very happy to accept the challenge, but considering the importance of meeting the deadline it would be certainly better if you could involve at least one more colleague in order to get the things done on time.

Related Article: 5 Ways To Protect Yourself When You’re An Empath

4. Really Listen in Order to Understand Others

When someone is asking you to do something about them, you should suppose that it is very important for them. There must be a reason why they actually asked you to do that particular thing, otherwise, they wouldn’t ask you. It is your responsibility to take that request into consideration, and to understand its importance. After that, it’s up to you to decide whether it’s worth applying energy against it, or not.

5. Never Look Back

Once you’ve made a decision, leave it behind, and don’t look back. If you allow yourself to change your mind later, you will be less happy with the decision you’ve previously made. There must have been a really good reason why you’ve rejected an invitation, or offer. So, make an effort to focus on the good that will come from saying NO, and forget the guilt you feel about the same thing. Remember that it opened your world to new opportunity to do something different, that you’ve wanted to do for a long time.

When you truly understand the importance of saying NO more often, you won’t regret the decisions you’ve made in your life. As you practice saying NO, it will get easier, and easier. If you want to succeed, get good at turning people down. Don’t procrastinate! Start now!

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